It IS true that being on here gives you a tumblr accent. This morning my mother asked me something and i replied "i don't know i've never heard these words in that order" and she nearly choked laughing. It wasn't even that funny
at my old job i had a coworker who was tired and made a coffee with like 6 or 8 shots of espresso and i just casually went up to them like “are you trying to meet god?” and not only was this absolutely hilarious to them but they brought it up in future conversations they thought it was so funny but to me this was just as casual as saying “woah that’s a lot of coffee”
Being funny on Tumblr and then going to be funny in real life is like traveling to a foreign country and baby the currency exchange rate is biased in your favor
I low-key love the fact that sci-fi has so conditioned us to expect to be hanging out with a bunch of cool space aliens, that legitimate, actual scientists keep proposing the most bizarre, three-blunts-into-the-rotation "theories" to explain the fact we're not.
Some of my favourites include:
Zoo Theory: What if there are loads of aliens out there, but they're not talking to us because of the Prime Directive from Star Trek? (Or because they're doing experiments on us???)
Dark Forest Theory: What if there are loads of aliens out there, but they all hate us and each other so they're all just waiting with a shotgun pointed at the door, ready to open fire on anything that moves?
Planetarium Theory: What if there's at least one alien with mastery over light and matter that's just making it seem to us that the universe is empty to us as, like, a joke?
Berserker Theory: What if there were loads of aliens, but one of them made infinite killer robots that murdered everyone and are coming for us next?!!
Like, the universe is at least 13,700,000,000 years old and 46,000,000,000 light years big. We have had the ability to transmit and receive signals for, what, 100 years, and our signals have so far travelled 200 light years?
The fact is biological life almost certainly has, does, or will develop elsewhere in the universe, and it's not impossible that a tiny amount of it has, does, or will develop in a way that we would understand as "intelligent". But, like, we're realistically never going to know because of the scale of the things involved.
So I'm proposing my own hypothesis. I call it the "Fool in a Field" hypothesis. It goes like this:
Humanity is a guy standing in the middle of a field at midnight. It's pitch black, he can't move, and he's been standing there for ages. He's just had the thought to swing his arms. He swings one of his arms, once, and does not hit another person. "Oh no!" He says. "Robots have killed them all!"
pens scared me as a kid. a pencil that you cant erase? thats fucked up shit to do to a kid man
but then in high school i met her. i never saw anybody like her before. she was cool she was precise she was always smooth. when i first saw the pilot g-2 pen i knew i wasnt a kid any more
Mistakenly touched my weenor after crushing up a chili pepper for my Ramen honestly not as painful as one would expect more of a gentle heat much like the pleasant burn of cayenne in a spiced coffee or even much like . A chili crushed up in a bowl of delicious Ramen. Much food for thought
I hate this website
Like come on dude, you couldn't torture this information out of me
And does the honeybee begrudge the cow its willingness to part with its milk? Our differences enrich our experience of this beautiful world.
"I masturbated with a pepper"
"Wtf"
[Socratean poetry]
I don't need to take this from you tumblr user collaredbottom
being 5'7" is so fucked. AND i'm a top. i suffer more than you could ever know.
doing shadow of the colossus shit to her pussy 🧝♀️
uhm.... girls only have cocks around these parts, friend
Doing shadow of the colossus shit to HIS pussy
sorry im a lesbian
doing shadow of the colossus shit to her penis?
well if youre unsure i can take over for you
collecting lizards to boost my stamina and climbing the tower to do shadow of the colossus shit to her 17th secret penis
i think the concept of the post is starting to escape us
nothing escapes from me
hard cider was invented when someone decided to make beer that tastes good instead of bad
One must imagine a dragon cuddling and kneading
your honor who gives a fuck. like for real
Go cheer yourselves up, ladies. The comments are absolutely inspired.
Jesus Christ
do you think if we all work together and do a really really really good job that we can convince at least a couple advertising executives that "goon den" is the zoomer word for mancave
A surface bounded by four interlocking "triangular" loops, made with Shiying Dong's seamless topological crochet method
*screams in touch starved*
Zoom attacc